Woman Shoves Cheesy Nachos Down Wife’s Pants Before Beating Her

A Florida woman, 39-year-old Allyson Swan, was recently taken into custody by local authorities on charges of allegedly assaulting her wife. The series of incidents reportedly began with Swan forcing nachos into her wife’s pants. Court records from St. Lucie County indicate that Swan is facing a single count of battery causing bodily harm.

The incident is said to have occurred on the evening of March 3 at the couple’s home on South Buttonwood Drive in Port St. Lucie, a large coastal city about 50 miles north of West Palm Beach. The Port St. Lucie Police Department provided a comprehensive account of the incident in their arrest report.

The police were alerted to the situation by a third-party 911 caller who reported hearing their friend, the victim, being assaulted by Swan. Upon arrival, Swan reportedly told the officers that everything was fine and that her wife was simply intoxicated. She denied any physical altercation, asserting that her wife’s drunken state led her to lock herself in their bedroom.

However, the victim’s account of the incident painted a different picture. She stated that she was making nachos in the kitchen while Swan was in the living room playing video games. A dispute arose after Swan made a remark about her wife’s weight and late-night eating habits. The argument escalated when Swan allegedly grabbed a handful of the nachos and forced them down the back of her wife’s pants.

The victim further claimed that Swan continued her assault, pushing her against the wall, dragging her by her hair into the bedroom, and repeatedly slamming her head onto the floor. Swan also allegedly doused her wife with water during the attack.

Throughout the assault, Swan reportedly made comments asserting her dominance and criticizing her wife’s behavior. The police found evidence supporting the victim’s account, including stained clothing, yellow smears on the wall, and a small hole in the wall. The victim also had a hematoma on her forehead and scratches on her right arm. Despite the evidence, Swan continued to deny the allegations when questioned a second time by the police.

Swan was arrested on the night of the incident and posted bond on May 7. She is scheduled to appear in court for her arraignment on June 2, according to St. Lucie County court records.